Hiding

I have always been shy, I have always hidden in the shadows, I have always been too worried about what others thought of me and I have never allowed myself to shine.

Knowing that I was going to come first in something – I would jeopardise it. I would hate all that attention and focus on me. I distinctly remember the first time this occurring was when I tried Little Athletics. I loved competing, the running, the hurdles but I would always make sure not to come first, slowing down so that I would come behind someone else and even then still cringed at attention being thrown my way – needless to say I didn’t last long doing it.

It kept on from there through all phases of my life. Even when I was in management roles I still shied away from attention, the limelight, being fully in my power. I still aimed to get to these roles as I do not like settling for mediocre and will always strive to do my best, but I still hated it with a passion. I can see now how much a battle it must have been inside when one part of me wants to do and be my best, while the other is lurking in the shadows and wanting that for me as well.

I still am that way, only discovering this pattern the last week or so, but already I am slowly trying to change how I am with it…

Normally I lurk in the facebook groups that I am in whereas the last couple of days I have been posting in some of them, worrying about what other people think of me is another big problem for me – again this week I have been putting myself out there in these posts and trying not to worry about it, much!

Creating a new page and blog that really put me out there has been something else that I have done, pooping myself all the way, but I still did it.

I even entered a competition to win something and actually won it and was happy about it rather than cringing at all that focus on me.

While they have only been small things that I have done, beginning small is helping my Ego, lurking side, to come to terms that I am no longer going to be hiding and loitering in those shadows – that I am one day soon going to be happy having that spotlight shine down on just me and I will be there with a smile on my face and my shoulders back ready to face the world.

This is one of many self-sabotaging patterns that I am going to delve into and work on those deep seated issues on why I don’t feel good enough for greatness and why I feel the need to hide myself and who I am. I can honestly that I cannot wait to free this from myself.

Till next time… keep walking your spiritual path xx

 

 

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Honouring

 

honour

 

This week has been a week of learning about honouring… Honouring those supressed emotions, past lives, blocks etc.

It started with an amazing session with a lady that taught me to feel the emotion wanting to burst out of my body and say hello to it, honour it and feel it rather than stuffing it down and allowing panic to take its place. Panic is a benefit of not allowing these to rise and be felt. It is what happens when you are not honouring yourself.

Amazing stuff, not only did I realise how much extra energy I was using to supress all these emotions and feelings in my body, but how much easier it was to actually honour them. Now it was hard work, totally emotionally wrenching and panic provoking, I am not going to sugar coat it but the relief and immense lightness I felt after it made it all worthwhile. It does help that I know I am ready to shed that particular shell and move forward so I didn’t try to hold onto anything that wanted to come up.

Today though after a chance conversation, I realised that honouring can be put to so many areas of our life.

Many of us do the release and let go method, often or during the full moon – which is all well and good and something that I do often myself, but many times when it is stuff we don’t really like or want to change, we come from a place of frustration, anger and so forth. I got to thinking though, what if we honoured and thanked those things before safely saying it was ok to let go of now. Would it make it easier to do this? Would it not feel like it was being forcibly ripped from ourselves, which means it tries and hangs on for dear life.

If you are trying to release blocks from your past lives. Honour that life that gave you the block. Have a little honouring ceremony for your old life, people that were in that life and thank it and honour it and then surrender to it. Don’t get bogged down in the nitty gritty details, that is the human ego side of us that feels the need to do that – your soul knows what it needs to do, and by surrendering to it, it can let go of what it needs to without trying to listen to direction from you.

Even in everyday life – work, friends, family, general life – the list could go on. Rather than coming from a place of wanting things to change, or situations annoying you, try honouring it instead. See it as a way of learning something, as a way for your soul to grow and evolve.

By honouring you are putting good intentions out into the universe. You are coming from a positive love space. By doing it this way, you are allowing your soul and ego to know it is ok and safe to release this and move forward. It is honouring that even in hard times, there is a positive to be learnt.

 

Till next time… keep walking your spiritual path xx

 

 

 

Victim Moi??

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I lived as a victim for over half of my life – there I said it. I allowed myself to be imprisoned in my mental illness, thinking that it was something outside of myself that was creating it. I gave over to the ‘why me’, ‘why do these things keep happening to me’, gave in to the dramas and still wondered how I could get out of it, as if a third party was responsible for creating this.

During these moments, I never once took responsibility for any of it. I wallowed in all the shit instead. But let me let you in on a little secret… I was allowing myself to be a victim, I was the one responsible for getting myself together. I was the one creating it, and I was the one allowing it to continue. It was me that was allowing past experiences to live big and strong in my mind and I blamed everyone else around me but the person truly responsible… Getting the theme here… It was ME!!!!

Once I realised this, I could start working my way towards not being a victim. Now don’t get me wrong, it is a work in progress and I still have a habit to first start laying the blame elsewhere than at my own feet. The difference is I recognise it now and work on it accordingly

 

So what can you do?

Step up – Yes bad things may have happened to you, or people treated you horribly, but you hashing over them, letting them live inside and letting them win is all on you. No one else but you. So are you going to let them win or accept that bad things have happened but it is time to let go and move on? And grow from the experiences.

Accept – By taking responsibility, you are allowing for acceptance to come into your life. Don’t use this as another self-blasting – oh I can’t believe I let myself do this for so long etc. Instead just accept. Accept you let it get out of hand, accept that you are now taking responsibility for your life, accept that you are you – supposed warts and all.

Soap box – Ever get the feeling that your life feels like an episode of Days of Our Lives (insert your own soap drama here) and you can never get off the cheese wheel? Look at why there always seems to be dramas (big and small) happening. Why are you creating this in your life? Really dig deep… You will find that it will usually stem back to your childhood or how your parents acted. If so work through it, journal it, feel those feelings and then take responsibility that you don’t want this in your life anymore and let it go.

Why Me? Because you are unknowingly soaking up those big juicy bubbles of woe. I think everyone, victim or not, has uttered these words a time or two. Whether it is over a small thing like – why me for a flat tire, to big things like why me to suffer from this illness – This is a great way of keeping you down in that dreaded mentality. Why me? Because YOU are creating it. What vibes you put out, are guaranteed to come back to you. Think instead about what positive things you want for your life, like they’ve happened. When you start to say the why me – ask yourself why am I manifesting this, what can I do about it, what block is this trying to show me. Remembering that everything that happens can bring positive lessons will also help to break the chain.

EGO – You my friend have let Ego take the drivers reins rather than standing behind you, only piping up when it needs to. Your Ego only knows how to be quite negative, it only knows how to perceive danger and try and keep you safe, get my drift? It is not the one part of you that is going to wrap you in a nice warm hug or say it is ok. So in other words you have been feeding your beast rather than the beauty. It is hard to move Ego back to its rightful place, but slowly and gently. Let it know that you are grateful for it but you are going to try and do this for a change. Being grateful and loving will get you much further than being frustrated and angry.

 

Only you can change how you are. Yes stuff happens, that is life but it is up to you how you let it affect you. Are you going to let it keep you as a victim or are you going to rise from it? You need to go through the downs to appreciate the ups. You need to learn how to cry so you can enjoy a laugh… There is a positive lesson in EVERYTHING. Maybe it is time to let go?

 

Till next time…keep walking your spiritual path xx

 

Lemons

When life hands you lemons… go make lemonade… or add them to tequila!!

 

I have always liked the saying but never really applied it to my own life before this year, and even then, it would still take a big dose of Ego related stuff to come up before the ‘Let’s go make lemonade’ analogy would be applied.

It can be really hard when difficult situations crop up to see the good side of it, to be able to let it go and know that everything is happening for a reason and for your higher good. Instead letting Ego take the reins and see only the bad, catastrophic worst case scenario thinking, and everything negative it possibly can.

I have been having one of those trying moments for the last week or so as the love of my life and I go through some stuff.

At first the good old, oh woe is me, this is it – it is totally over, how could he do this again and so forth made a break for it, and I totally wallowed in those thoughts for a few hours that night that made everything that much worse between us because yes I did the dreaded call when you are upset and basking in all the negative glory that totally does not make anything okay! I do not recommend doing that!

The next day though I got up and decided to kick my own butt and really look at what was going on…

I did a lot of soul searching and realised there was a pattern that had played out in my childhood that I am still indulging in now – don’t get me wrong it is not done knowingly but once I asked myself where was this coming from – it showed it pretty damn quickly and I was able to work through it, process and correlate it to what is happening now and continues happening in my life today. It also led to a few other situations from back then that were also playing out today. To give you an example to help you do it in your own life… my childhood was always full of dramas thanks to my mum – it was like a soap opera brought to life. Nothing could ever go smoothly and nice, if it did something would be said/happen by said parent to throw everything into chaos again. Now I love a nice happy life, but because that was my childhood and I have never dealt with that particular issue, unknowingly, I started creating the same in my life. I don’t need to start it all myself as I have put that energy out in the universe so it can only respond in kind. So here I was forever wondering why I couldn’t catch a break… no more. I know exactly where it stems from and that load of dung is going right back where it belongs!!

It was a big heads up to me as well that I needed to do some more work on me around loving myself, being deserving and fully accepting myself for me as I am – in other words I am okay exactly as I am – no buts, if only, shoulds allowed. As although I come far this year, there must be still some issues/blocks around it otherwise I wouldn’t be attracting these kinds of things in my life. Working on loving yourself is always a continual process that you really cannot get slack on.

Now don’t get me wrong, my love is not without blame and his own issues – but there is nothing I can do about that, that is for him to look at and deal with and all I can do is work on myself to bring my own vibrations and energies up and stop the negative chatter that comes with these types of situations. I cannot change the love of my life, I can only change my reaction to them and make sure I am putting out the highest vibrations possible so I get them back in return. I have to put faith in us and our love and stop waiting for that proverbial penny to drop.

 

What I am getting at is these types of negative/ crappy situations have a lot of good in them as well, and it is our choice whether we let them drag us down into the mud or whether we take the lesson it is trying to teach us and do it wholeheartedly. I know which one I choose to do.

 

Till next time…keep walking your spiritual path xx

 

 

Love and Hate

I have always had a very complex relationship with my mum. I love her to the ends of the Earth but I also hate her just as passionately. It has always been a case of me being the parent and her the child for most of my life. To feel this push and pull on my emotions can be draining so I have learnt to treat her like a distant relative for the sake of my sanity, and so that my own healing could begin.

As I delve into getting me clear, it has helped me to see that she has many issues herself that she chooses to mask over with booze and cigarettes. That she can’t necessarily help the way she is due to a not so pleasant childhood herself. I understand all of that on a logical level but I was still always angry at her for the fact that I was able to crawl and claw myself out of this to stop the cycle continuing and be strong and forge a new path, so why couldn’t she? It was during a moment of clarity that I realised that if she had of been any other way, I would not have turned out the way I have. That maybe she had to be weak to show me a new way of being strong? That my life path demanded these experiences so that I could learn and make a difference down the track.

I am learning to forgive her for things that happened because I need to be at peace with my past, whether she deserves that forgiveness or not. Sometimes regardless of who the parent is, you need to be the bigger person and learn that you cannot change someone or events that have occurred – all you can do is change your reaction to it and pick out any positives that you can so they cannot weigh you down anymore.

In doing that I am not only learning so much about myself and just how much of her ‘baggage’ I am carrying but also finding a little bit more compassion for her these days than I ever have felt before. I feel sad that she is in a continuing loop of what she has made for herself, but I don’t feel the need to react to it as I would have once upon a time. I would love nothing more to help pull her out of the dark pit she is residing in, but I also know I cannot do that for her, until she is willing to hold a hand out for me to take.

There is always going to be someone like this in our lives, be it family or friends of our choosing. Just remember that no matter what you cannot change someone, you can only ever change your reaction to them and learn to deal with them in a way that is beneficial to your wellbeing. They can also be great lesson givers and have a way of making a difference to your own life, if you are willing to take a step back and see it.

No matter what, let these people and experiences help you grow for the better, and not let it dull your sparkle.

 

Till next time… keep walking your spiritual path xx

 

Accepting Anxiety Support

Be.You.tifulexactly as you are

I will keep this nice and brief – I have set up a closed Accepting Anxiety – A Support Group in Facebook to come together with anyone who suffers from anything stress related – be it panic attacks, generalised worry, phobias – you name it, anyone is welcome. It will be a positive environment, free from judgement and all about learning, evolving and most importantly accepting you for you.

If you feel this is something you would benefit from, then please pop on over and join. I cannot wait to see you there!

 

https://web.facebook.com/groups/925050427581491/

 

Being ok exactly as you are…

ok

With a New Year, it always brings up the various resolutions and ‘fixes’ you want to apply to yourself to be the best person you can be and to change something about yourself or your life for the better.

Now don’t get me wrong, I think it is fabulous to have goals, thoughts on which direction you want your life to take and so forth… What I don’t agree on is making it seem like you need to change something about yourself to be better, greater, like yourself and the list goes on and on and forever on if you allow it.

What if you allowed yourself to feel and believe that you are ok EXACTLY as you are right now – supposed flaws and all. What if you told yourself that no matter what you are ok and more than enough for yourself and anyone else for that matter? What if you told yourself, I LOVE you unconditionally despite anything at all? What if you looked inwards for that love and affection –rather than looking outside of yourself for it?

Don’t you think that those words are going to be more powerful than saying – I will be able to love myself if I lose weight, I will be proud of myself when I manage to stops those nasty thoughts etc.?

Have you ever wondered why those New Years resolutions just don’t stick, or if you do achieve them, you strive to change something else before you are totally happy or else you feel an empty elation for achieving what you set out to do, before then deciding you have to do something else about yourself next. It is because as humans, we have a great way of telling ourselves we cannot be happy unless we can change something about ourselves, or get this persons attention and so forth and that is what most of us choose to listen to. If you actually went soul deep and listened to your true self/ intuition – whatever you want to call it, it would say to you – I love you, you are perfect as you are, it is ok. .. Being able to say to yourself I am ok and I love myself unconditionally, despite everything, will be your greatest ally in achieving what you set out to do.

Because you know what – you are perfect exactly as you are. We weren’t made to be perfectly alike and have everything go as planned all the time, otherwise where would your uniqueness be? How would you know to enjoy the happy and joyful times if you didn’t learn it by experiencing the less than pleasant moments?

So how about this year trying something different and listening to that wonderful inner voice, rather than the chattering monkey that tells you all the stuff that isn’t perfect about you?

I know for sure that this year I am choosing to be ok exactly as I am. I am no longer going to say I need to get better, or be able to do this to give myself praise, love and the recognition I deserve. If things don’t turn out as planned – I want to say to myself – It is ok, you tried it and it didn’t go according to plan but it is totally OK.

 

I know that despite whether I fulfil the wish list of things I would like to achieve this year, I am going to have a fantastic year because no matter what I do or don’t do, I am ok and I am choosing to look at everything that happens this year – good or bad as positive learning for my path.

 

Why don’t you join me and tell yourself you are more than enough and ok exactly as you are?

And remember it doesn’t matter about what anyone else thinks about you or what you should do, it is what you think that counts. Once you actually really start believing that you are ok as you are – those people that want to change you, will change their tune as they will start following the same vibrations you put out there – that you are ok exactly as you are.  YOU create your world and what is in it.

Till next time… keep walking your spiritual path xx