My own Safe Place

safe place

 

I am my safe place and I trust my body to keep me safe”

 

When we stress, are anxious, panicking , worrying etc. it is because we are not trusting. We are not believing in OURSELVES enough. We are not putting any faith or trust in the universe. The list is pretty endless but it really comes down to ourselves or the trust we try to put outside of ourselves.

I made up and have been saying this affirmation to myself a hell of lot lately, mainly because I have been needing the constant reminder.

You see, when we don’t have faith in ourselves, to keep us safe, to make the right decisions, to do the right thing and say the right thing blah blah blah – that is when stress and anxiety and all those other nasty shitty things come creeping in. We may not even realise that is the reason why we keep feeling those things but it is truly that we do not trust, in ourselves and just as importantly we don’t trust in the Big U.

Now trusting in the Big U and just expecting everything and not doing anything to help and wondering why nothing happens is completely different. It is a co-creation every step of the way so if you are not doing the work or prepared then not much else is going to happen. All that will happen is the same old shit, possibly a different bucket but still the same crappy circumstances. If you are willing to meet somewhere along the path, then magic can happen.

What I really wanted to talk about though was not trusting in yourself. To give you an example – In the deepest pits of my panic, it affected my eating, I must of panicked one time when eating and then I avoided it as I didn’t want to have another and then it became such a bad habit that I pretty much forgot what it was like to even eat – I am talking almost 14 years of not eating normal food. I was worse than a baby trying ‘solids’ for the first time. I would literally joke that my niece was eating better than me at 6 months of age – and she was.

When you started peeling back all of the layers, sure heaps of different stuff came up and kept coming up and then more layers and reasons and scenarios kept cropping up. When you kept peeling though, the big fundamental reason why I was doing that – is I felt I couldn’t keep myself safe. That I would manage to make myself choke and die. Literally that is what it came down to. I didn’t trust myself at the most basic of levels for survival…

So what chance did I have of surviving, if I couldn’t trust myself to keep me alive? Now that is an extreme example, mainly because I kept refusing to deep dive until it got to that level of learning and desperation.

Instead I looked to others for safety, for places to make me feel safe, and while it was okay for the first little while – slowly you start to give away your power, it leaches out of you while you cling to this person or that safe hidey hole until you are left with not much left in the power tank.

And that can be when rock bottom hits… Or you may be so stubborn that they have to throw a few more curve balls at you till you are willing to swan dive off into the shadow lands and reclaim yourself.

Now I have been deep sea diving for a good long while, rather than band aid over the cracks, I have knocked that cracking crumbling foundation to the ground and started afresh with a beautiful looking, strong as hell base.

But even now that trusting and safe place issue can still crop up – in the traffic when I feel stuck, in situations where I feel overwhelmed and just want to run away screaming, when something knocks me for six and I go back to old habits,  the list goes on.

So I am sitting here thinking – I AM my safe place and I trust in my body to keep me safe.

And you know what – It totally has! I am still here alive and kicking – even through everything that has happened and then some. So it has totally done its job, above and beyond really when you think about it.

So I invite you to deep sea dive with me and really ask yourself – why do I not feel safe?

Why am I allowing past stuff that has happened screw with thinking that I am my safe place and that I trust my body to keep me safe?

What am I still holding onto?

Why I am not trusting the Universe/God/ Spirit/Big U – whatever you want to call ‘it’ and therefore running my life scared?

Why am I coming from a place of fear rather than love?

Really ponder those questions and see what comes up. There will be a lot of childhood stuff that I am sure will pop up. There may even be past lives stuff that come up. I know for me, this is my first time in a body so it can be hard to realise that I am completely my own safe place and to trust in this foreign thing called a body. Who knows what will come up for you, but honour whatever does and then let it gently go. Simply recognising what is coming up is enough to create an incredible shift.

Either way, you need to CHOOSE now that you will no longer let old shit, outside influencers or yourself affect your safe place – which is YOU! You are completely capable of looking after yourself and keeping yourself utterly safe, if only you begin to trust yourself more.

Even if you make a ‘mistake’, there is still no reason to throw yourself overboard. You wouldn’t do that to a small child or helpless animal – so why would you do it to yourself? You can learn from anything if you allow it, and need I remind you that through it all, you are still alive and kicking-  so totally SAFE!

Allow yourself to feel completely 100% safe, will there be some side shuffles back into fear territory? – probably, we are human after all. But come back to I AM my safe place and I trust my body to keep me safe each and every time you feel those stressy vibes start to get their hooks into you.

Everything we feel is a choice. Sometimes it is easier to make the loved based,right choice when we are feeling amazing and everything seems to be going fab, but it is not always easy when it is the opposite – but that typically is when we need it the most.

That feeling, will be that hand that is being held out to you and lifting you up when you fall in a heap on the floor, or banging  your head against the hardest surface. Imagine how empowering and magical it would feel – knowing that hand that is being ‘held out’ is your own damn hand.

Go and be your own saviour, go and be your own rescue centre. Know that no matter what you have or haven’t got on you, or where you are or what you do – YOU have your own back and are completely safe (and cherished).

Now be your own temple, your safety hub, your own police station/fire truck and hospital all rolled into one.

You totally have this, you wouldn’t be walking this life if you didn’t. So own it, love it and most importantly live it.

 

Till next time… keep walking your spiritual path xx

 

And yes it can be as easy as deciding it is so.

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Fed up of the stories

                                             Push aside Blog

I didn’t come down to be all these mother fucking excuses… NO MORE!!!

I push all the stories aside and go back to being me…

 

I wrote these words last night in a journal entry and bloody hell was it like a dam broke and I felt free.

Too many times we get caught up in our own shit stories, in the stories we hear from others, in society and how we should or shouldn’t be… but if you only shoved aside the excuses and pushed aside the bullshit and was just YOU… the world would be your oyster!

That is not to say that these wonderful excuses and stories would just fade away and you would have a fairytale existence for the rest of time. But it means reading those lines over and over to yourself when stuff does pop up and choosing to not live in them anymore. And by live in them, I mean the set-up tent and live there, as opposed to the recognizing and working your way through them.

When you are seriously ready to give yourself that green light – it can be as easy as simply saying NO MORE to yourself, and sometimes it needs a little work – in the way YOU need it. Not what is meant as the norm, or what well-meaning people tell you. For sure take it on board, but then go within and find that magic prescription that is the right bomb just for you and go blast all the shit away.

It could be taking some hints and tips from this person, that person, that post over there that reaches into your heart. But ultimately you know deep down, you just got to find it. Or more to the point be WILLING to find it.

And sometimes it simply is as easy as saying NO MORE… over and over and over again.

Lets face it – we are souls sitting in a human body whose primitive function is to keep us safe. So if you have ever felt anxious/scared/ worried about anything, it will latch onto that little tidbit and then go waaay out of its way to keep you safe. BUT and I say this with love and kindness – YOU can choose to say that this or that is in fact safe and push through to the other side. So the never ending NO MORE (or however you want to phrase it) needs to happen so that you can start training that part of you to recognize that not everything in this world is big and scary and going to eat us.

What is most important, is you are setting your soul free of its little golden cage and you are allowing the real you the go ahead to shine fucking bright. Like epically bright. The you before the shit storm that is life, the you before you hammered yourself into a little corner and can hardly even remember who you really are any more. Possibly connecting to a part of yourself that you haven’t even really met before.

Being true to you is the single most important thing you can do. Living your life’s purpose without restriction is the bestest, most on point thing you can do for yourself.

It can also be the hardest, if you make it that way.

Follow what feels right for you, again some people’s prescriptions may be utterly on point for you and some are not.  March to the beat of your own rightness and take what you need and leave the others behind.

Again, when you really feel into it, you know what feels right for you and what feels a little icky and not quite fitting.

Listen to your body when you try something. Try it out for a little while to see if it feels right. Try something else or a combo.

 Do what you need to do to shine and prosper and the world will be your oyster, your own Disney land and every other loveable thing.

The world doesn’t need you to fit into a box, or a circle or a certain label – it just needs you – unapologetic, raw YOU!

So set yourself free and feel that relief that comes with knowing you just need to be you and go forth and SHINE.

 

Till next time… keep walking your spiritual path xx

 

Clearing…

clear yes

 

The last couple of days have been big, tough ones but also very cleansing as well.

I finally, after almost four months, cleared up all of my pooches stuff – the stuff I couldn’t bear to put away from his last couple of days with us.

It was hard, gut-wrenching and full of tears but I also knew deep down where it was no longer staying quiet that in order to move on, I needed to do this. Didn’t make it any easier and even a day later, my eyes still drift to where those things were and they are no longer there and tears want to come.

But I was holding myself back, caught up in the storm of horror that the last 48 hours of his life had become. It was taking me back there every single time I caught a glimpse of them, which being in the kitchen and my car – were often.

So finally, I listened to that call of my soul, knowing it was time to shed that part of it and let it go. I didn’t even really get to think about it, it was an unconscious move on my part to just pick them up and put them in his plastic container that holds everything else.

The weight that lifted behind the grief was pretty immense. The knowing that I was allowing myself to let go of the pain of his last few days and the trauma of that experience sink into my being rather than living in it so intensely day to day was a feeling like no other. It hasn’t meant that is gone, simply that I refuse to dwell in it and wash myself in it every day.

It also meant I was now giving myself room to allow new to enter into my life. Funnily enough once I had done that, I went and spring cleaned outside and rearranged and decluttered spaces… again all on an unconscious level of just allowing. I simply went with the flow and didn’t get caught up in anything, apart from remembering to sit and eat a couple of times!

It really made me realise how stagnant I had let myself become and how it affected me on all levels of myself, my businesses etc. I had put up this big arse wall of grief, sadness, you name it – wallowing in all the bad stuff and having a giant pity party– which don’t get me wrong – it needed to happen and probably will from time to time but I was enjoying being there way too much and I simply knew it was time to start saying YES to life again.

Cathartic was also a great way to describe it as I said out loud to my boy – Tex, I am not forgetting you or letting you go… I am simply letting go of the trauma and shit from your passing. It was really a reassurance for me, as he has been up there knowing this needed to happen from the word go, but all in its own time.

It makes me ask you this question – what in your life are you holding onto that is causing you grief, pain or any of those other not so pleasant emotions and feelings?

What can you do to make room for more in your life?

It doesn’t have to be a big major thing, it can be simply looking at an ornament and seriously not liking it!

Either way it is a great time now to start making way for new to enter your life – be it new wonderful emotions or something physical. It may be something you are wanting or craving or you could just leave it up to the Big U to bring you exactly what you need.

It can be something as small as moving that blasted ornament, to clearing out a cupboard and neatening it up. Anything big or small, you do what is right for you. Just think in your mind or out loud – that you are clearing and making way for the new.

And it is amazing the beautiful confirmations you get when you know it is the right path. Take today for example,  getting into my car for the first time since cleaning it out of Tex’s stuff (and the rest of the junk)-  I loved seeing the clean car and the nice feels it gave me and even more, a beautiful little white feather sitting on my passenger seat where Tex would sit. Letting me know that I am not alone and it is totally okay.

So please do yourself a favour, and if the time is right, go and shed something that isn’t serving you anymore. Even if you are not sure what that something is, go do something physical and just allow.

So enjoy opening your arms wide to whatever is to come your way!

Till next time… keep walking your spiritual path xx