Meditation Smeditation

med blog

Meditation has always been something that has been recommended to me but always felt a bit like trying to climb Mt Everest and never reaching the top. Over the years I have tried and tried listening to the meditations my therapists and others gave me but just never really felt it or got anywhere…

I would feel frustrated that I couldn’t switch my thoughts off and they would keep distracting me from the words I was meant to be listening to, I couldn’t do the deep breathing that was asked of me and would end in a panic attack that defeated the purpose of the meditation – I just could not do it. So I didn’t.

Then about a year ago, I started work with my mentor, who we shall call Super J, who started to introduce me to the many different forms of meditation and really took the time to explain it all to me and how much of a difference it would make not only to myself on all levels but also to my spiritual practices. At first I was doing it in fits and bursts and would feel okay after doing it but it still just wasn’t clicking for me.

After seeing an Oprah and Deepak Chopra 21 day free meditation advertised, I decided to get tough with myself, as lets’ face it Super J was trying but it all had to come down to me really wanting it and me doing it. So I got tough. Every day I did the meditation, after much procrastination and excuses of course, and finally around day 15, things started clicking. I started finding the 15- 20 minutes ENJOYABLE, I started looking forward to the next day’s meditation and started feeling the calming effects that so many people would talk about and I could only ever dream of. My thoughts, although there, I learnt to not focus on them and just let them be. I learnt that I could ignore the breath work that would send me in a tizzy – I finally learnt to just enjoy.

Now, a few months later, I am a dedicated meditationer who meditates at least once to twice a day. It is amazing that yes, after only a few months, that so much can change. I now feel not quite right if I do not meditate and it was only after I was really sick and couldn’t, that I had a light bulb moment as to why I was feeling that way. I now can do most of the breath work required, but I still know my limits and will stop if I am feeling those niggling anxiety tendrils come crawling in. But it is okay. Some days are always going to be better than others and I have learnt to accept that. I now have stronger connections to my guides and spiritual side and I am feeling so much better about me. The stress and anxiety that plague me, are still there, but they are not sitting on my shoulders anymore, ready to weigh me down at the slightest nudge. My thoughts do not race quite as much and I feel I can handle my day to day stuff much easier – even when busy and chaotic.

Guided meditations and Mantra – ones where I had to be envisioning or saying things in my head, where always my friends as they helped keep those pesky thoughts and Ego voices at bay. But now, I can sit and just listen to some peaceful noises and music and still have the same benefit. Who’d have thought! Certainly not me.

And unbelievably I got a BIG nudge from my guides over the last week to start creating my own meditations. WHAT?!?! I thought in technicolour surround sound – I can’t do that!! But putting Ego in its jar, I discovered, you know what, I can!! Not only that I can, but that it feels kind of natural for me. Never would I have thought I had the voice for it, or the story making skills for it or the technical skills to do it (which I must admit did take a few extremely frustrating times to find the right platform) But I did it anyway. And people seem to be actually enjoying it… fair enough most of them are my friends but still it’s a win! I have even been asked to start a meditation group and although my Ego balks at the idea, it feels like the right thing to do. It is amazing the directions the universe will take you in, if only you open up and allow it to happen.

Even if you are just beginning on your meditation journey – do NOT give up at the first set of hurdles and stop. Push through them and I promise you will start to reap the rewards. Don’t worry about the breathing if it doesn’t yet feel natural to you. Don’t expect those thoughts to magically disappear (cos I can tell you they won’t) and rather just let them be there without focussing or judgement. Try the many different forms of meditation that are out there to see what feels right for you. And lastly just enjoy – let go of any pre-conceived notions that you have or think you should feel about meditation and just have your own unique experience.

Till next time… keep walking your spiritual path xx


The many sides of me

walk water

As I am sitting here pondering, as I am known to do, I really feel there are many aspects of me that I show the world, but rarely the whole me. There is the financial savvy professional mortgage broker, there is the spiritual me, and there is the daughter, the friend, the goof, the good girl, the victim and so on. I feel like a chameleon as I adapt to my surroundings and how I feel I should be.

I never really thought I was anything at all like my star sign (Gemini) but now that I am consciously thinking on this subject – I realise that with all the many ‘faces’ I wear, that yes I am indeed like my star sign.  Although I sometimes feel more like a quadruplet than a twin at times!

I realised it was my own fears and insecurities making me behave this way, they may not like me if I am funny and loud, they may judge me if I show my spiritual side to the world, they may think I am stuffy and so forth. The endless possibles could sink a ship if I let it. It all came back to that lovely Ego paranoia.

Today though, I am standing in my own power. And presenting my whole self to the world and not just what I think they want to see and what I want to possibly show them. I am not hiding myself anymore as it was only hurting me and allowing me to think there was something wrong with me, keeping me unknowingly stuck in that vicious victim cycle . Don’t get me wrong, I am not going to start sprouting off spiritual words of wisdom to my financial clients or vice versa as there is a time and a place for everything. And sometimes the adapting chameleon will come in handy. But from today I am going to just be me…

The girl with tattoos, the girl who loves older music (early 90s and older please), the spiritual me that is growing each day, the professional business owner, the goof who is extremely klutzy and stupid at times, the potty mouth, the list goes on, but instead of sinking me this time, I am going to embrace ALL of me and let it lift me up so I can walk on that water instead.

What do you hide and only show to certain people?  Are you going to keep denying your whole self, or are you going to join me and we’ll walk on water together?

Till next time… keep walking your spiritual path xx

First Meditation Jitters


It’s an exciting time here as I explore and grow… One area of exploring that I felt compelled to try is creating my own meditations! Below is the link to the first one created – a special preview just for you!!

I hope the link works! And I hope you enjoy it as I stretch my wings and push past my boundaries and put myself out there to the world!!  Let me know what you think…

Till next time… keep walking your spiritual path xx

Adrift in my Ego Human self

I have been,for the last week or so, allowing my Ego or my human side as I like to call it run the show. I seemed to have forgotten that strong ever loving spiritual side of me that can get through anything and instead let old reprogramming come up and seize the day. Panic attacks, low vibes, unworthiness, the list is pretty endless, have all snuck in while I sat back on the couch and allowed it. Starting the old ‘woe is me’ victim soundtrack (cue the violins).
I kept getting whispers and nudges from my guides and angels, but at first I was too far gone in struggling against it all that I refused to listen.

Then all of a sudden during each bout of nastiness, I stopped. And I listened. Really listened to what they were trying to tell me. I’d bless and thank what was happening to me but I was firm in saying that it was no longer necessary. I called upon my soul guide (the light being who has been with you since birth) to give me some of that unconditional love that she is so great at dishing out and makes you feel like your wrapped in the best hug of your life (because it is). I called upon those guides that I know can help me lift what I was feeling and heal what they needed to. I called on AA Michael to take away the fear and cut any cords that were helping to create this and after I felt a bit more at peace and had put Ego in its jar (quite literally in my mind) I truly listened to the messages this situation was giving me…

That it’s okay, to not fight against it and just thank and bless it.  Although they wouldn’t wish this on me any longer than needs be- and over half a lifetime is certainly long enough, it has been a great learning curve for me, a challenge to see if I’d let the old ways rule me again (which I did for a time) and for my guides to learn more on how to help in these situations, now that I’ve created a deep connection with them. It’s shown that I have moved forward on my path and that all the hard  work I’d been putting in to myself was paying off otherwise why would it feel the need to try and choker hold me to my old way of being? And lastly…

This is my Egos last ditch attempt to keep me stuck right where it wants me, because we all know Ego doesn’t want you to be happy, Ego doesn’t want you to evolve into your true spiritual self. It doesnt want you to do anything positive because then it wouldn’t rule you like it does now.

But you know what Ego, our long-term toxic relationship is over. Yes I know there will be times I cross over to the dark side but I will be able to stand strong and not let it defeat me and rise quickly when it happens. I will follow my heart and soul and spiritual path because it is time! No more excuses!!

It is most important that you don’t beat yourself up over being  ‘human’ as your playing into the victim card.  Just accept that a side shuffle has occured, a little two step of oops that will give you great lessons and insight if only your willing to look for them. Rather than focus on the negatives, look for those positives- they will be there I promise.  And as soon as you can, dust yourself down and keep doing the tango we call life. You are not alone in this. And when the going gets really tough, remember each morning is a chance to start again, a new beginning . Are you going to let it be full of the same old, or are you going to spread those wings and fly? I know I am.

Till next time… keep walking your spiritual path xx

Where do I start?? A newby bloggers dilemma….

I’ve been thinking on this blog for awhile now, where do I start, how much information do I spew out, how do I word it, all these great sounding sentences I make in my head that go no further and happen at the worst time when you can’t get them down, what will people think??…… So many how’s, where’s, why’s and what ifs  – that I finally had a whisper in my ear from my well meaning guides saying ‘just start’. It doesn’t matter if you don’t start from the beginning or where you want to, just start and it will happen. When the right information needs to be told, it will. Stop procrastinating and just go and get something down on paper…

So this is me getting it down on paper. You are going to get stuff from right now, then be blown into my past only to be propelled into the future. You will get my musings, my guides I’m sure will contribute as well as maybe the odd Angel and other spiritual beings, guidance and whatever else crops up. You’ll get my upbeat days as well as my feeling very human days. I have no idea where this blog will go on its journey, how many twists and turns it will take and where it’ll end up, all I do know is it will be one hell of a journey that I can’t wait to take.

Till next time… Keep walking your spiritual path x