Meditation has always been something that has been recommended to me but always felt a bit like trying to climb Mt Everest and never reaching the top. Over the years I have tried and tried listening to the meditations my therapists and others gave me but just never really felt it or got anywhere…
I would feel frustrated that I couldn’t switch my thoughts off and they would keep distracting me from the words I was meant to be listening to, I couldn’t do the deep breathing that was asked of me and would end in a panic attack that defeated the purpose of the meditation – I just could not do it. So I didn’t.
Then about a year ago, I started work with my mentor, who we shall call Super J, who started to introduce me to the many different forms of meditation and really took the time to explain it all to me and how much of a difference it would make not only to myself on all levels but also to my spiritual practices. At first I was doing it in fits and bursts and would feel okay after doing it but it still just wasn’t clicking for me.
After seeing an Oprah and Deepak Chopra 21 day free meditation advertised, I decided to get tough with myself, as lets’ face it Super J was trying but it all had to come down to me really wanting it and me doing it. So I got tough. Every day I did the meditation, after much procrastination and excuses of course, and finally around day 15, things started clicking. I started finding the 15- 20 minutes ENJOYABLE, I started looking forward to the next day’s meditation and started feeling the calming effects that so many people would talk about and I could only ever dream of. My thoughts, although there, I learnt to not focus on them and just let them be. I learnt that I could ignore the breath work that would send me in a tizzy – I finally learnt to just enjoy.
Now, a few months later, I am a dedicated meditationer who meditates at least once to twice a day. It is amazing that yes, after only a few months, that so much can change. I now feel not quite right if I do not meditate and it was only after I was really sick and couldn’t, that I had a light bulb moment as to why I was feeling that way. I now can do most of the breath work required, but I still know my limits and will stop if I am feeling those niggling anxiety tendrils come crawling in. But it is okay. Some days are always going to be better than others and I have learnt to accept that. I now have stronger connections to my guides and spiritual side and I am feeling so much better about me. The stress and anxiety that plague me, are still there, but they are not sitting on my shoulders anymore, ready to weigh me down at the slightest nudge. My thoughts do not race quite as much and I feel I can handle my day to day stuff much easier – even when busy and chaotic.
Guided meditations and Mantra – ones where I had to be envisioning or saying things in my head, where always my friends as they helped keep those pesky thoughts and Ego voices at bay. But now, I can sit and just listen to some peaceful noises and music and still have the same benefit. Who’d have thought! Certainly not me.
And unbelievably I got a BIG nudge from my guides over the last week to start creating my own meditations. WHAT?!?! I thought in technicolour surround sound – I can’t do that!! But putting Ego in its jar, I discovered, you know what, I can!! Not only that I can, but that it feels kind of natural for me. Never would I have thought I had the voice for it, or the story making skills for it or the technical skills to do it (which I must admit did take a few extremely frustrating times to find the right platform) But I did it anyway. And people seem to be actually enjoying it… fair enough most of them are my friends but still it’s a win! I have even been asked to start a meditation group and although my Ego balks at the idea, it feels like the right thing to do. It is amazing the directions the universe will take you in, if only you open up and allow it to happen.
Even if you are just beginning on your meditation journey – do NOT give up at the first set of hurdles and stop. Push through them and I promise you will start to reap the rewards. Don’t worry about the breathing if it doesn’t yet feel natural to you. Don’t expect those thoughts to magically disappear (cos I can tell you they won’t) and rather just let them be there without focussing or judgement. Try the many different forms of meditation that are out there to see what feels right for you. And lastly just enjoy – let go of any pre-conceived notions that you have or think you should feel about meditation and just have your own unique experience.
Till next time… keep walking your spiritual path xx