Downplaying

I colour in hearts for value, money – anything that comes into my life of value that I can thank the universe for and be so so grateful for and track to bring even more abundance into my life. It could be a drink bought for me, a talk I watched that provided some great insight, finding 5c on the floor – anything and everything!!

 

It was during one of my master classes where we were working on mindset and language around money that I had a big aha moment about this seemingly wonderful act that I was doing.

 

You see, when I colour in those hearts, say it was dinner bought for me for $50, I would colour in a $10 or maybe go up to a $20 heart, even though that particular item had a clear amount to it. I would downplay it each and every time, no matter what I was colouring in for and whether it also had a clearly defined amount like this dinner, I would do this.Every single time without fail.

 

It then really got me thinking during that session and just like that the big aha came when I realised I do that in other areas of my life. I downplay myself like nothing you have ever seen. Be it as myself, in my business and so forth. It really was a big slap in the face to see a pattern playing out, which really hasn’t got a huge connection until you follow the wispy line from point A to point B. I mean who knew those pretty coloured hearts could have such a huge meaning and lesson behind them and that that would be what gave me a huge insight in how I show myself and pretty much be in the world.

 

By downplaying myself, I was always dimming my shine, my talent, my knowledge and that is kinda what I wanted sub-consciously as the thought of being in my full power, of being successful and amazing is frankly, scary as shit. I have been working on this and dipping my toes in, but until that light bulb moment, had never seen it in full colour like that, in different tasks that I wouldn’t have connected the dots too before now.

 

Being made aware of this, really made me start to not want to downplay anymore, I mean, who am I to dim the light of my own soul?? Who am I to say oh no our purpose here is a bit too scary right now so let’s just carry on as we were for a while longer?! This got me saying a big HELL NO!!! I don’t want to be this anymore and I am quite happy now to step into my role. It may take little baby steps, but baby steps are much better than snuffing out the flame entirely for big moments at a time.

 

So now I embrace those freaking hearts and give them the amount they so deserve and that I deserve to have, because I do deserve that $50 dinner, I do deserve that free session I got, I deserve every single heart that is coloured in here and more! The universe wouldn’t have provided it if I wasn’t. And I am so ever grateful and feel the joy of that abundance deep in my heart every time I grab a colour to start. It made me realise that if I don’t want further abundance to be downplayed in my life, I had to start giving it the true value it deserved.

 

I am also allowing myself to shine brighter each day, to highlight myself rather than downplay what God gave me in this once and only lifetime. I no longer want to squirrel it away, wasting such precious life when I could be doing something amazing with it.

 

Is there habits in your life that may seem insignificant that may also give you a big aha moment? Take a moment to think about it and join the dots… Feel free to share if you get any ” Oh my Gawd” moments 🙂

 

Till next time…keep walking your spiritual path xx

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Knock on effect

 

I am sitting here with happy tears in my eyes as I write this while I sit outside with my feet in the sun basking in this beautiful sunny winters day…

You see I have been working with a fabulous women I shall call H who is helping me with a wonderful self empowering tool that is helping with my panic triggers, old dated beliefs and everything in between.

Today we worked on some things that doesn’t really have all that much to do with what I am so happy about, hence the knock on effect title. It just goes to show that everything is intertwined and impacts on so many things.

I have always wanted to be a mother, whether that will happen or not is entirely up to the universe, but the last few years, it has absolutely terrified me. With my mind having chatter such as ‘what happens if you panic while you are pregnant’, ‘what happens if you just want this alien thing out of you right freaking now because you cannot handle this foreign object that has no choice but to stay inside you for 9 months’, ‘what happens if you don’t eat enough for both of you’ – lots and lots of what ifs followed by sheer waves of panic. A lot of this is anticipation panic, of not knowing how something would be, but it is panic all the same and something that has felt so utterly overwhelming, and seemingly impossible to get over, no matter how much I love children.

Today though, after our session, and me just watching the clouds go by… I realised, I cannot wait to bring life, to breathe life into a baby. I mean what a miraculous and magnificent thing to be able to do as a woman, to be able to create and sustain a new human with my body. That is pretty amazing stuff right there so how utterly special it would be if I am ever chosen for that super special role.

And as I sat there with this knowledge, I felt those tears well up, and this time they weren’t hopeless tears – they were of happiness, hope, and an utter calmness and serenity that filled me when thinking of that happening. And that is a miracle in itself. I can now say I am ready for you babies, I am ready to be your mama, if you are meant for me, without desperation or fear tingeing my words. And that to me is utterly priceless.

What is even more priceless is the above song started playing as I felt all those. A beautiful confirmation sign of holding my arms wide open and allowing the light in. And hopefully creating amazing life 🙂

I know there are going to be many great gifts that this tool gives me, my life now being lived outside of fear and outside of the cave walls that I have created for myself and just didn’t know how to escape from, but now that cave has windows – allowing incredible light to shine through them and light up the shadows that once filled it. Now that cave has a door that stands wide open, inviting me to take a step outside and breathe in life.

 

So lookout world as I am ready for you… and those babies too

 

Till next time… keep walking your spiritual path xx

 

 

 

When to Talk

It can be hard to imagine what runs through people’s heads when they do or do not do something, when they say something without embellishing, or when they say or do something you do not like, and you can be left with a bit of a what the? feeling about it.

I have these moments quite often, it is the wonderfulness of anxiety and a super overactive imagination. Ten million scenarios and conversations can happen in my head, and of course your head and body do not know the difference especially when the process in your mind is such a vivid one, and being the way I am, they are usually the worst case scenarios and catastrophic thinking – never the nice happily ever after ones that movies are made of.

It can leave you feeling, quite frankly, like shit and yet you haven’t even gotten the nerve up to actually ask the person concerned about it. Instead you have created all these delicious stories in your head, which really leaves you primed ready for them to come true and puts you on the back foot before you have even started the conversation, because lets face it – how can you have a neutral honest chit chat when you have already turned them into the bad person in your head a million times.

Your body and brain are already wired to the worst imagined outcome so the energy you are putting out about the chat, is already negative, your body is already feeling the effects of this outcome, you are already on the defensiveness because you are just so sure that that is how it is going to turn out.

So what can you do when you get in this cycle of thinking? For me I have learned to tune into my chatter rather than let it run itself on a loop. So I stop, I literally say stop and depending on the mood I am in or what I am overthinking on I will then work on it. I always start by saying thank you and accepting that I was having these thoughts. There is no point carrying on the negative traits of the convo in your head by being mean to yourself. Sometimes I may make a joke about it after my niceness and be like yeah that is really going to happen… insert whatever you need to to realise you were being a bit of a dag in thinking that. You can take it all the way to the extreme thinking and then be realistic and think okay what is the worst that could happen if that is the case, is it really likely that will be the case.

Most importantly I get all the revolving rubbish down on paper, I let it all out, in all of its gory and really go to town. I then take a step back and start thinking logically. This poor person hasn’t even had a chance to be a part of the conversation and I am already damning them and the scenario around it. I then let it go. Honestly some of it is totally out of my hands, I cannot speak for the other person and so I look at what I can control – myself.

I set myself up for success by getting into a positive mind frame and imagining the conversation going well. Or by just putting positive vibes out there and not even attempting the conversation in my head. I ask that the universe has my back and lets me know when is the right time to talk and that I stay in my power in a neutral, curious way while we chat. Because really there is nothing worse than knowing you want to ask or say something that you think could go either way and walking on eggshells and more than likely not being the pleasantest just because that monkey is riding on your shoulder. Or because that monkey is there, starting you off in a less than ideal way.

Then just do it!!!!! Either way you are not able to change what the other person says, but you will feel a relief from getting it out there, and then you can start to deal with the chat itself.

In no way should you give ultimatums, judge or accuse. Instead go in with a curiosity that doesn’t care about the outcome. Just say your part and allow them to say theirs. Their answer may just surprise you. And if they do follow your worst case scenarios… do not react first and think later. Remember you cannot change what the other person says, does or thinks but you can change your reaction to it. And remember they are not you! I had an issue with a friend and I kept saying to myself why are they doing this when I wouldn’t be like this – NEWSFLASH- they are not you, will never be you and so take what you would do out of the equation because you are putting an unrealistic expectation on that person which isn’t fair to anyone.

Take a step back and look at it from all points of view, regardless of if you agree with what they say or not, then act accordingly from that logical perspective.

Remember you will not necessarily be able to stop that first initial reaction within yourself, and that is okay, you do not need to. All you need to do from there is acknowledge it and then take a step back to not let it all be about ‘me, me, me’. To take a look at the bigger picture and not react out of that first initial rush of Ego.

By doing this, it really has changed the way I come across and react, and my interactions are changing because of that. I also let it go as well because why allow someone else to take away your happiness… Only you are in charge of it, so stand in your power and no matter what happens, Be ok.

 

Till next time… Keep walking your spiritual path xx