The last couple of days have been big, tough ones but also very cleansing as well.
I finally, after almost four months, cleared up all of my pooches stuff – the stuff I couldn’t bear to put away from his last couple of days with us.
It was hard, gut-wrenching and full of tears but I also knew deep down where it was no longer staying quiet that in order to move on, I needed to do this. Didn’t make it any easier and even a day later, my eyes still drift to where those things were and they are no longer there and tears want to come.
But I was holding myself back, caught up in the storm of horror that the last 48 hours of his life had become. It was taking me back there every single time I caught a glimpse of them, which being in the kitchen and my car – were often.
So finally, I listened to that call of my soul, knowing it was time to shed that part of it and let it go. I didn’t even really get to think about it, it was an unconscious move on my part to just pick them up and put them in his plastic container that holds everything else.
The weight that lifted behind the grief was pretty immense. The knowing that I was allowing myself to let go of the pain of his last few days and the trauma of that experience sink into my being rather than living in it so intensely day to day was a feeling like no other. It hasn’t meant that is gone, simply that I refuse to dwell in it and wash myself in it every day.
It also meant I was now giving myself room to allow new to enter into my life. Funnily enough once I had done that, I went and spring cleaned outside and rearranged and decluttered spaces… again all on an unconscious level of just allowing. I simply went with the flow and didn’t get caught up in anything, apart from remembering to sit and eat a couple of times!
It really made me realise how stagnant I had let myself become and how it affected me on all levels of myself, my businesses etc. I had put up this big arse wall of grief, sadness, you name it – wallowing in all the bad stuff and having a giant pity party– which don’t get me wrong – it needed to happen and probably will from time to time but I was enjoying being there way too much and I simply knew it was time to start saying YES to life again.
Cathartic was also a great way to describe it as I said out loud to my boy – Tex, I am not forgetting you or letting you go… I am simply letting go of the trauma and shit from your passing. It was really a reassurance for me, as he has been up there knowing this needed to happen from the word go, but all in its own time.
It makes me ask you this question – what in your life are you holding onto that is causing you grief, pain or any of those other not so pleasant emotions and feelings?
What can you do to make room for more in your life?
It doesn’t have to be a big major thing, it can be simply looking at an ornament and seriously not liking it!
Either way it is a great time now to start making way for new to enter your life – be it new wonderful emotions or something physical. It may be something you are wanting or craving or you could just leave it up to the Big U to bring you exactly what you need.
It can be something as small as moving that blasted ornament, to clearing out a cupboard and neatening it up. Anything big or small, you do what is right for you. Just think in your mind or out loud – that you are clearing and making way for the new.
And it is amazing the beautiful confirmations you get when you know it is the right path. Take today for example, getting into my car for the first time since cleaning it out of Tex’s stuff (and the rest of the junk)- I loved seeing the clean car and the nice feels it gave me and even more, a beautiful little white feather sitting on my passenger seat where Tex would sit. Letting me know that I am not alone and it is totally okay.
So please do yourself a favour, and if the time is right, go and shed something that isn’t serving you anymore. Even if you are not sure what that something is, go do something physical and just allow.
So enjoy opening your arms wide to whatever is to come your way!
Till next time… keep walking your spiritual path xx