I had one of those moments last night and this morning, you know where you completely blow something out of proportion, or take something to heart – in other words be completely human!
My partner came round last night and I have been doing some huge soul searching around our relationship the last few days, so I am guessing that added to my vulnerability. And funnily enough every ‘solution’ given to me from myself and my spiritual pit crew went way to the kerb and I reacted like I wasn’t the evolved being that I am.
You see my partner has been a cranky pants of late, moaning, groaning and being negative about everything and anything he can get his hands on. And it gets me frustrated as I pick up on it and decide to join him in the negative nelly ranks rather than find a way to either ignore or pick him gently up and bring him over to the light side.
The nail on the coffin last night was when I finally gave him a beautiful poem I had written for our 9 year anniversary but hadn’t had the guts to give him till this moment. A moment of which was already feeling pretty down in the dumps (such good timing on my behalf!) It bared my soul to him in the ways in which I would always choose him and us and yet when I asked him if he chose me in return, and he made a joke about it – in that moment I chose to react badly (think little girl pout and all) and not choose him in that moment at all.
It continued to this morning, even after he left, in which he gave me a beautiful goodbye kiss (which I chose to kinda ignore) when I started checking my phone for all the wonderful positivity etc stuff that I have come up on my phone.
Funnily enough there was a new Youtube video by Brad Yates – Tapping extraordinaire (if you have never used his vids – go check him out, he is the best). All I could see on my phone was Conditional Commitment, and I realised in these petty moments I have been having, I was indeed choosing to only commit to my partner if he said the words back, if he acted like I wanted to him to act, the list goes on. The weirdest thing? The tapping video was about conditional commitments on your to do list – in other words, nothing to do with my issue and yet it helped me in such a profound way to get out of my head and into my heart. And had the added bonus of being the perfect video for me, as I also have an issue with procrastination sometimes, so it was a big double whammy, and after doing the vid I have knocked out two blogs, so thanks!!!!
Now back to the issue at hand…
Don’t get me wrong, I needed to feel these emotions and feelings, no matter whether they were the whole truth or not, but I also needed to take a giant step back after it and look at it properly and not from my hurt self.
No one is perfect, I surely am not (although I am imperfectly perfect J) so why was I seeking out perfection in my partner? Why wasn’t I taking him for what he is at this point in time, and only concentrating on how to not let myself get caught up in his feelings. Because me changing myself and my mood because of him – that is ALL on me, that is my issue and not his at all.
So now I have taken a step back from my woe is me state and realised some things. 1. It is time to let my love be unconditional 2. He shows me chooses me all the time in the actions that he does and sometimes says – it is my problem if I choose not to see them or acknowledge them when I am in a mood 3. There is some work to be done on my boundaries and way of being, so that I am not swayed like this from anyone. There are more but you get the drift.
So next time something happens around your relationships, feel the grrr, then take a step back and look for the lessons. I promise you that you will find them and grow from it.
I surely have, and now it is time to send lots of love to my man AND practice what I preach.
Till next time… keep walking your spiritual path xx