Knock on effect

 

I am sitting here with happy tears in my eyes as I write this while I sit outside with my feet in the sun basking in this beautiful sunny winters day…

You see I have been working with a fabulous women I shall call H who is helping me with a wonderful self empowering tool that is helping with my panic triggers, old dated beliefs and everything in between.

Today we worked on some things that doesn’t really have all that much to do with what I am so happy about, hence the knock on effect title. It just goes to show that everything is intertwined and impacts on so many things.

I have always wanted to be a mother, whether that will happen or not is entirely up to the universe, but the last few years, it has absolutely terrified me. With my mind having chatter such as ‘what happens if you panic while you are pregnant’, ‘what happens if you just want this alien thing out of you right freaking now because you cannot handle this foreign object that has no choice but to stay inside you for 9 months’, ‘what happens if you don’t eat enough for both of you’ – lots and lots of what ifs followed by sheer waves of panic. A lot of this is anticipation panic, of not knowing how something would be, but it is panic all the same and something that has felt so utterly overwhelming, and seemingly impossible to get over, no matter how much I love children.

Today though, after our session, and me just watching the clouds go by… I realised, I cannot wait to bring life, to breathe life into a baby. I mean what a miraculous and magnificent thing to be able to do as a woman, to be able to create and sustain a new human with my body. That is pretty amazing stuff right there so how utterly special it would be if I am ever chosen for that super special role.

And as I sat there with this knowledge, I felt those tears well up, and this time they weren’t hopeless tears – they were of happiness, hope, and an utter calmness and serenity that filled me when thinking of that happening. And that is a miracle in itself. I can now say I am ready for you babies, I am ready to be your mama, if you are meant for me, without desperation or fear tingeing my words. And that to me is utterly priceless.

What is even more priceless is the above song started playing as I felt all those. A beautiful confirmation sign of holding my arms wide open and allowing the light in. And hopefully creating amazing life 🙂

I know there are going to be many great gifts that this tool gives me, my life now being lived outside of fear and outside of the cave walls that I have created for myself and just didn’t know how to escape from, but now that cave has windows – allowing incredible light to shine through them and light up the shadows that once filled it. Now that cave has a door that stands wide open, inviting me to take a step outside and breathe in life.

 

So lookout world as I am ready for you… and those babies too

 

Till next time… keep walking your spiritual path xx

 

 

 

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26 comments

  1. Tikeetha T · August 12

    Love this song by Creed.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Wanda Luthman · August 13

    How wonderful! Fear is so debilitating and limiting but you have overcome! And to become a Mom is a blessing beyond all others. You sound like you will be an awesome Mom!

    Liked by 2 people

  3. Michelle Malone · August 14

    God is amazing, and he will withhold no good thing from those who love him. Anxiety can indeed be debilitating, but you’re employing tools to make it more manageable. There is no magic pill to make it all go away, but there are plenty of tools to conquer those irrational fears. Remember that God didn’t give us a spirit of fear. You know who that comes from, and you can’t let him win. Hugs and prayers to you!

    Liked by 3 people

  4. Terry Lane · August 15

    15 In a dream, in a vision of the night, when deep sleep falleth upon men, in slumberings upon the bed;

    16 Then he openeth the ears of men, and sealeth their instruction,

    – Often these desires are sealed during the night. This happened to me personally with our fifth child. I woke up and was completely convinced of a still small voice that came in the night (as above taken from Job). The voice came as being given as advice. Me and my wife of course had sex upon me telling her and she fell pregnant straight away. We called our miracle son Daniel because he came as a result of a voice in the night.

    Hope this helps.

    Love in Jesus.

    Stay strong.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. JoAnna · August 17

    Before I became pregnant, many years ago, I didn’t understand people getting all gaga over babies. In my twenties, I leaned toward a preference for science. During my first pregnancy, and even more so after my son was born, I felt this overwhelming sense of love for him. I was the second with my daughter. There is a biological component to this bonding, but it is more than that. We are divinely designed to bond with our babies. There are exceptions, but chances are excellent that you will be in love with your baby or babies. It seems to me like you already are! Keep on believin’!

    Liked by 3 people

    • yellowwolf80 · August 17

      So very true!! And how beautiful! I think you’re right once it’s happening all the right hormones etc will kick in and all will be well. I most certainly do love them already 😍

      Liked by 2 people

    • PoppyDaisyLily · August 19

      I’m the exception to your rule Joanna and found it very difficult to do the bonding thing, especially right at the beginning. I was in such shock that it overwhelmed everything. The bonding was a slow process for me. I think it shows though that there are simply no rules though, and if you DO find yourself feeling out of sorts at ANY point in the process, it’s all just part of the ebb and flow of life, one step at a time and all that 😉

      Liked by 2 people

  6. J L Hunt · August 19

    Beautiful post… 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  7. This Mortal Flesh · August 19

    You’re never ready but when it happens, it brings total transformation. I was a no responsibility mooch before my son was born and now I’m a responsible loving father. I could have never guessed what the feeling would be like.

    Liked by 2 people

  8. PoppyDaisyLily · August 19

    You can absolutely feel the fear and do it anyway 😉 It’s perfectly normal to freak out about the whole baby thing, before, during and after 😉 Fear is a normal natural part of the process, and you’ll have plenty of calm, serene times too to balance it all out. As long as you know that you’ll never have a good night’s sleep again and your vajajay certainly won’t thank you, then you’re good to go! Good luck sweety and I hope your dreams come true 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

  9. Thank you for stopping by my blog. Nothing more blessed than the gift of the wee ones…

    Liked by 2 people

  10. boozilla · August 26

    thank you so much for reading my blog!!! i am heartened and impressed by yours- congratulations on all you’ve accomplished so far, and so much more to come!

    Liked by 2 people

  11. dray0308 · August 29

    Reblogged this on DREAM BIG DREAM OFTEN and commented:
    I always find gems on Aria-Bella Rises!!

    Liked by 1 person

  12. myageofaquarius · September 3

    Ooooooooooh! How wonderful this post is! I love how it is written and I fully appreciate it’s message. I too have chosen the path of emancipation and it is glorious! And here I am with arms wide open. Yes!!

    Liked by 1 person

  13. cherylfoston · September 5

    Great song!

    Like

  14. sheldonk2014 · October 1

    There is a peace when you take fear out of the equation
    Little by little you begin to breathe
    And as you said
    Life begins again
    As always Sheldon

    Like

  15. michaelwatsonvt · October 17

    May the blessings continue.
    Thanks for following my blog.

    Liked by 1 person

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